As most of you know, this has been a difficult year. My family broke up. Most of the people who know me would call it exactly what it is: a divorce. There are those, though, who wouldn't call it that because they still don't believe that a same sex relationship is valid. Ironically, my divorce experience strengthens my already-deep belief that families are families, no matter what they look like. And divorce brings a pain that runs as deep as the love I have felt.
My beautiful boy is nearly gone from my life. Because you can't have two moms, I'll spend one evening in the month of December with the boy who lived in my house for nine of his twelve years. He will see his sister slightly more than that, but not much.
My heartsong - my daughter - will continue to be confused as she wakes up every morning in a four-bedroom house that sounds empty as a cave. I try to fill the void with laughter and good food and my full attention as often as possible, but nothing fills the void right now that is her brother's absence. Until the house sells, we will stay in this space and hope it feels a little more full.
My fantasy family is gone. My best friend of nine years is no longer a friend. I dreamed of filling my beautiful home with memories of special peole, homework, traditions and love and more than the gut-wrenching disappointment of a failed relationship, I mourn the loss of that dream.
The elections are over and in Colorado a measure to protect domestic partnerships failed. While some might see this as a relief for me on the heels of a broken "marriage," I see just the opposite. Love and partnership is amazing - same sex couples or straight. And divorce is ugly, no matter who you are. We all have the right to experience both.
Hug your family tight during this holiday. Don't forget to look at the moon and wish for your kids to be safe and happy. And don't forget to pray that the adults in their lives can do it better than they have. Pray that we'll keep trying to do it better and that we'll do what is best and good. Peace.
3 comments:
Please know you are in my thoughts this season. I came here from Schloobie. My parents live in CO as well and I grew up there and I am incredibly disappointed that the measure did not pass. I am deeply saddened by your family's split.
i'm sorry you've been going through so much. if you still have my email address, email me. i think it's on my blog page, too?
xoxoxo
hello ....i am so sorry to hear about your split...makes me cry ....i think my last comment got lost ....but we were on the first cruise and emailed you guys a couple of times....i am so sorry to hear this ...i hope you are okay...you and courtney were such a cute couple....i hope you guys get back together ....i send you a hug and please know you are in our thoughts....kjs
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