Clouds are Lifting?

I have had a tough couple of weeks but today I feel better.

I probably should have predicted that selling the house would have prompted me to feel the finality of the divorce, but I didn't see it coming. Combined with PMS and failure to refill my prescription for Paxil and I had a serious down-in-the-dumps couple of weeks, complete with weeping and wailing (but no gnashing of teeth).

Sometimes I guess I dont' realize the impact of my obvious chemical imbalance. I started taking Paxil about five years ago at my doctor's urging. My depression manifests itself as anxiety, so I was going down the road of some OCD behaviors as I sought to gain greater control over almost everything in my life. After the normal six weeks (or so) uptake period, I got major relief from the anxiety, so Paxil became my friend. I always likened it to the need a diabetic has for insulin - I didn't have enough whatever in my brain, so I took Paxil, which helped. I never understood why someone with depression would ever say, "maybe I'll go off the meds someday."

In my crazy divorce and changes in life, I decided that maybe I could be Paxil-free. So I started messing with my doses (dumb, dumb, dumb) and about two weeks ago, I just "forgot" to refill the prescription, resulting in five days off meds. Dumb, dumb, dumb. The results were obvious. Meltdown City.

But today the cloud has lifted. I think I'm back on track and feeling good - both physically and mentally. I'm excited to move, excited to move forward, excited to be the best mom I can be. Pressing forward.